Overview
Separation and divorce are common in the United States, with 50 percent of first marriages and up to 75 percent of subsequent marriages ending in divorce. The difficult reality of ending a partnership is complicated further when there are children involved, because both parents must address their needs, emotional well-being and concerns. Though navigating a separation with your kids is not easy, some simple guidelines can smooth the transition to a family with Mom and Dad in different homes.
Step 1
Communicate openly and honestly with your kids, but keep the details you share appropriate for their ages and comprehension levels. Keep adult issues between the adults, such as details about an affair or financial misstep that caused the separation.
Step 2
Answer any questions your kids have about their new routine, when they will see the other parent, how you are working to keep your family together or any other details that are important in reassuring them about what will happen in the future.
Step 3
Work with your spouse to create a schedule that gives both of you access to the kids as much as possible. Even though tensions might run high between the two of you, your kids still need to talk to both of you each day, see you both in attendance at school and extracurricular events, and enjoy alone time with each of you.
Step 4
Create a special place for your child in your new residence, if you are the parent who moves out. If you are staying in the home, box up some familiar items for your kids to take to the other parent's house. This will help your kids feel at home in the new place and show them that they belong in each residence.
Step 5
Respect that your children might not want to talk to you about what is going on with the family. Instead, they might seek out the help of their peers, teachers, other relatives, family friends or the parents of their friends. Contact the adults in your child's life to let them know what is going on, and ask them to call you with any concerns your child might express.
Step 6
Avoid bad-mouthing the other parent. Even though you might be angry, never put the kids in the middle or make them feel like they need to choose sides to gain your affection.
Tips and Warnings
Consider talking with a family counselor who specializes in separation and divorce. She can help your kids handle the stress of a separation, teach you ways to help them cope, and help you and your spouse work together effectively in your new roles.
Separation and divorce are common in the United States, with 50 percent of first marriages and up to 75 percent of subsequent marriages ending in divorce. The difficult reality of ending a partnership is complicated further when there are children involved, because both parents must address their needs, emotional well-being and concerns. Though navigating a separation with your kids is not easy, some simple guidelines can smooth the transition to a family with Mom and Dad in different homes.
Step 1
Communicate openly and honestly with your kids, but keep the details you share appropriate for their ages and comprehension levels. Keep adult issues between the adults, such as details about an affair or financial misstep that caused the separation.
Step 2
Answer any questions your kids have about their new routine, when they will see the other parent, how you are working to keep your family together or any other details that are important in reassuring them about what will happen in the future.
Step 3
Work with your spouse to create a schedule that gives both of you access to the kids as much as possible. Even though tensions might run high between the two of you, your kids still need to talk to both of you each day, see you both in attendance at school and extracurricular events, and enjoy alone time with each of you.
Step 4
Create a special place for your child in your new residence, if you are the parent who moves out. If you are staying in the home, box up some familiar items for your kids to take to the other parent's house. This will help your kids feel at home in the new place and show them that they belong in each residence.
Step 5
Respect that your children might not want to talk to you about what is going on with the family. Instead, they might seek out the help of their peers, teachers, other relatives, family friends or the parents of their friends. Contact the adults in your child's life to let them know what is going on, and ask them to call you with any concerns your child might express.
Step 6
Avoid bad-mouthing the other parent. Even though you might be angry, never put the kids in the middle or make them feel like they need to choose sides to gain your affection.
Tips and Warnings
Consider talking with a family counselor who specializes in separation and divorce. She can help your kids handle the stress of a separation, teach you ways to help them cope, and help you and your spouse work together effectively in your new roles.
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