30 July 2010

Ways To Deal A Marriage Separation

Overview
Whether your marriage has deteriorated over time or things seemed to fall apart all of a sudden, dealing with the issue of marriage separation is hardly ever easy. Separation can be the beginning of a new and improved marriage or the demise of the relationship altogether. Either way, everyone handles separation differently. Whether your time apart from your spouse is healthy and productive is all about how you handle things.

Step 1
Find somebody that you can talk to about what you're going through and use them. For many people, the problem with separation and divorce can be the feelings of loneliness that come along with it. Finding a confidante can lessen those lonely feelings, making the separation a bit easier to deal with.

If you don't want to confide in a friend, consider a counselor or support group designed for people in your circumstance.

Step 2
Ask for help when you need it. Between emotional issues, financial issues, child care issues and legal issues separation can be a difficult thing to do by yourself. If you need help with something personal or professional, ask for it. Doing things alone that are too difficult will only increase your stress level, which can make matters worse.

Step 3
Establish a routine. The Canadian Mental Health Association recommends keeping a familiar family routine as an effective way of dealing with marriage separation. Stability can help your family get through the days until you have a more firm grasp on the separation and have decided to pursue reconciliation or divorce.

Step 4
Create a plan for your time apart from your spouse. Whether you are leaning toward divorce or clearing the air for possible reconciliation, a plan must be in place for the best way to deal with living arrangements, child custody, financial issues and possible marriage counseling and reconciliation. Discuss creating a plan with your spouse to make sure that you're both on the same page with the same goals in mind.

29 July 2010

Together After Marriage Separation

Counseling relationship tool combined with in problem relationship sex plus divorce support groups in ny

Are you trying your best to save your marriage? I applaud you if you are because it is quite easy to just throw in the towel and break those bonds that you would have worked so hard in building. You would have taken the first step in getting your marriage back on track. I’ll let you know of my experience in stopping my divorce.

Have you ever stayed awake at night stressing about whether or not your marriage will last… and what you can possibly do to save it?

Put an end to the stress and anxiety of not knowing what to do to save your troubled marriage

Did you feel like your marriage is dead when you only feel pain and not love anymore? If you have a problem in your marriage now deal with it and do not let the problem continue to make you unhappy. How to save a dead marriage?

If you find yourself asking how long you will be together you may also be wondering how to save my marriage. Remember that a marriage is a union of two people so finding solutions to marital problems is going to take both of you. These problems can’t be solved by just one of you.

Learn why marriage is in crisis in America. Protect your assets if your marriage fails. Can outlandish Divorce settlements occur in America? Paul McCartney’s scenario and financial losses from divorce can happen in America. Read why.

Save marriage in this write up we shall be discussing about a few tips that you can use to successfully save your marriage from total collapse. The number of marriages which as of recent end up in divorce has become quite alarming; some of them only last between a few months to two or three years.

The saddest ending to any marriage is divorce. A divorce can leave anyone feeling shocked and confused and nobody wants it to happen to their marriage. When that happens you begin to doubt yourself. So what can you do or what you need to know to prevent it from happening? Warning signs you must look out for….

What I should have said is there is not a happy marriage recipe that works for everyone. Think of all the people you have met in your life.

28 July 2010

Marriage Seperation And The Result Of It

Marriage separation is always difficult for everybody. It is a hard decision to make but, there comes a time where you feel like there is no other option. Marriage separation is mired with many myths and they include the following. Some think that you cease to be a real person when you become single. There is nothing further from the truth and, in life, you are good enough to be single. Other people know that marriage is for life and stay no matter what. I do not wish to suggest that marriage is not for life but, sometimes, many break up for many reasons. The other thing that people say is that children must be raised with both parents present. There is no doubt that there are many advantages that children who have both parents have. However, this is not to say that you need to take hell because of the children. Another popular myth is that women who leave their families in marriage separation are bad mothers. The following facts represent what is true and common today. 12% of all women live alone in reality.

This shows that it is very much possible for woman to live alone. More than half the populations of people who get divorced have children. The children grow up to become respectable member of society. There are very many things you need to consider when you are preparing for separation. First, you need to ask yourself whether you are sure about the separation. It is not a simple thing to walk out of your marriage. You are the only person who can make the decision and, you should reevaluate your options carefully. If you find that there is no other solution, plan for your exit. There are people who move out without considering the various factors that are involved. You need to take into account what the legal implications are and, how you are going to survive financially. Other things you need to consider is whether the children will come with you or whether you, will leave the children.

The following are the things you need to consider when you are contemplating separation. They are practical steps you need to take to ensure you stay ahead. You need to write down the date of your separation in your dairy or notebook. You then need to list all your assets and debts. They should be both joint and personal. You then need to consider your personal situation then draw up a budget. Another vital step you need to take is freeze joint accounts at banks and in other financial institutions. The other vital thing you can do is to open your very own bank account. This way, you will be in a position to go on with your life and, your saving culture. You will then redirect your pay to your account. If you need to change your will, you can do so. The following are some of the things that you should keep copies of. You should have copies of the passport, birth certificate, citizenship papers, health care card, bank statements and many other things.

27 July 2010

Marriage Separation After The Results Of An Affair

How to save your marriage – you think about it day and night but just can’t figure out how to do it. Our wedding day is one of the biggest days of our lives. Then life starts to happen and conflicts arise. These conflicts can be simple misunderstandings or can be health or money related. All too often though these small misunderstandings lead to divorce.

If you feel that your marriage is crumbling all around you quicker than you can say ‘marriage guidance’ it can harbour such feelings as frustration resentment stress and anger. All these feelings build up until you reach crisis point; it is at this point generally that most people call it a day with their marriage. So what if you are the exception? What if when you said ‘I do’ It meant for life? Well if you are in this situation and you shout the cry for help’ I need marriage saving ideas fast’ then read on!

Marriage seperation is never easy but when it does happen each party needs to be practical and pragmatic in order to ease the process and avoid the stress associated with this emotional roller coaster – especially if children are involved. Here we discuss some of the main issues relating to marriage separation and how best to deal with them.

My friend Paul seemed like a happy guy with a good marriage so when he confided in me that he made love to his wife less than once a month I was quite shocked! In fact the figures show that nearly 25% of married people make love less than once a month and that goes across all ages not just the elderly. This article is not about how this comes about or about my friend but instead is about how to save a sexless marriage if you like Paul find yourself trapped inside one!

There is one thing that can kill your marriage for good…make sure you do not let it happen. Read on to find out what it is and what you can do starting right now to help save your marriage.

We married Christians should take a step back and look at the big picture. That picture is our commitment to God and what the Bible says about having a successful marriage. With the statistics going up at an alarming rate for Christians getting divorces we must think about how this must look to people who are watching us. Wondering if we truly serve God or not.

26 July 2010

Phases To Marriage Separation

Marriage is one of the most widely performed legal procedures in the United States, with the Center for Disease Control and Prevention showing an estimated 2,162,000 marriages performed through the nation in 2008 alone. Unfortunately, marriage does not always work out, leaving many couple looking at options such as divorce. When couples are unable to divorce due to religious or cultural reasons, or when couples need some time apart before making a final marriage decision, legal separation can become an option. Legal separation is a temporary split of a marriage that allows many of the financial and insurance benefits of marriage to remain, without having to live together.

Get Help
If you are separating as a way to determine whether you want the marriage to continue, one step you should including in the legal separation process is seeking out marriage counseling. A marriage counselor provides an outside view of your relationship and can give you the ability and tools to find out whether your marriage is worth saving, or whether a total separation is needed.

Gather Documentation
When preparing for a legal separation, one of the first things you should do is gather up all of your important financial documents. These documents should include recent bank statements, tax returns, investment statements and any other pertinent financial documents that can be used to determine things such as spousal support.

Hire an Attorney or Mediator
Although legal separations require less action than a full divorce, the process and paperwork can still be confusing. Hiring an attorney who specializes in family law can help you navigate the separation process, as well as be your voice in separation proceedings. If you are comfortable with the filing process, but still need someone to help mediate the details of the separation, you can also hire a mediator to help simplify the process further.

File a Petition
The next step in the separation is filing a petition and accompanying paperwork with your local administrative office for the court. If both parties have already agreed on the separation and both have signed the petition you will only need to wait until your separation hearing. If only one party is available to sign the petition, a copy and a summons must be officially served to the other spouse. When filing your paperwork, be aware that there will be a fee to file your paperwork that can vary in cost by the county you reside in.

Discuss the Terms
On the date of your separation hearing, you will most likely be required to bring along several other supporting documents laying out plans for issues such as child custody, child support, division of property and debt, and spousal support. These are terms that you must discuss before the final hearing. Each state can vary on the process and what forms you need to complete in order to be prepared for the hearing. Your attorney can be a valuable resource in this process, or some counties in some states may provide a printed "do-it-yourself" separation guideline at your request.

Make a Decision
After six months--more or less, depending on your state--either couple can convert the legal separation into a full divorce. Since all of the issues that would have been worked out during a divorce proceeding have already been figured out during the legal separation process, the same deals and arrangements for aspects such as custody or support will usually transfer over to the divorce.

23 July 2010

Best Tips After Marriage Separation

Most people believe that a separation during a marriage translates to the end.
This isn’t true in all cases.

Various couples are successfully able to pick up the pieces having spent some time apart from one another.

Separating from your spouse may really hurt, but be optimistic about it – you establish a new appreciation for the very intricate dynamics of your marriage, you determine your own personal goals, and you take some necessary time and space to get your life sorted.

A separation is not a miracle cure for extreme underlying problems in your relationship. However, it can provide a means for reestablishing a firm foundation for which your marriage was founded.

You aren’t the only one considering of how to save your marriage after separation.
Many couples worry that they will not be able to pull a marriage back together having taken some time apart.

We will provide you with a few helpful tips on how to save your marriage after separation.


Give and Take

If you both are not willing to make peace on matters, the relationship won’t last long.

This does not mean you should attempt to control your spouse or that they are allowed to control you, or that you should back down to things where you really have a strong view.

What give and take alludes to is that you both have to be able to listen to what the other person wants, and be willing to compromise whenever necessary.

Although compromising is essential, it’s not the answer for everything. Some work decisions, having a baby, certain spiritual principles, and other non-bendable moral or ethical lifestyles cannot, and perhaps shouldn’t, be allowed to just “slip away.”.

If you are only trying to sort out some small habits, money problems, or scheduling issues you can with a fair bit of compromise.

Communication

You must be honest when dealing with your partner if you actually want the relationship to work.

Many couples nowadays feel that shouting at each other is a strategy of communication after a separation.

Doing these only pushes your spouse at a greater distance.

You and your spouse need to become fully prepared to determine for
yourselves justwhere it is you wish this relationship to go. If both
agree that each one’s goals are able to be compromised by the other,
then you need to work towards this leaving out anger, jealously, hurt
feelings, guilt, and so on.

Mind reading is not a logical solution, you have to take the initiative and talk to them.


Marriage Counseling

Help from an outside source is a great idea as well.

Especially for a somewhat non-traditional union, it can sometimes be a challenge to locate just the right therapist to suit yourparticular needs.

Though it may take some time, the results will be well worth the effort.

This counselor can provide unbiased and objective opinions, and they are not involved with any of the issues between you both.

It’s not necessary to follow all of your counselor’s recommendations, and if a certain counselor is not working out for you it’s certainly within your rights to change to someone different.

But, the advice you can obtain from a marriage counselor can help to make the relationship a success.

This is all good knowledge to have regarding how to save your marriage after separation. But it’s up to YOU to put them into practice, and realize that you will have to put forth some real effort.

If you are prepared to meet your spouse halfway whenever possible, communicate openly, calmly, and honestly, and WORK HARD to improve your relationship, you certainly have an improved chance!.

You can surprise yourself when you spend some time considering why you want to remain in the relationship and the best ways to make it happen.

22 July 2010

Marrige Separation Caused By Infidelity

You asked your spouse over and over again why they did it. At first they just refused to answer. Then it turned into mumbling incoherence. Both responses only made you angrier which is to be expected.

After all it was they who shattered the marriage vows by carrying on an extramarital affair. You did everything within your power to make sure the relationship would only get better and now as far as you’re concerned it’s all gone.

But there is a nagging question that you want answered. Call it satisfying your curiosity or being a glutton for punishment. However you label it, you have got to know. Why did they do it?

And then they drop the bombshell on you. It’s all your fault. You are not surprised by that statement. You have known of couples where one spouse cheats then pulls the old switcheroo so in essence you prepared yourself for it.

You let them know you are not buying it nor are you going to accept responsibility for their betrayal.

Still they go forward. They never meant for it to happen but you just didn’t seem to have time for them anymore. You were always too busy or too tired. When they tried to talk to you about the coldness and distance which they felt was creeping into the marriage, you would dismiss their concern as nonsense. Even when you did listen, it was half hearted. And any solution was mostly your idea with very little input from your significant other. It’s not that they did not have anything to contribute; it is they you would only accept so much before you made the decision that the conversation was over.

Now the person that your significant other is having an affair with in has picked up the emotional slack. They give their undivided attention to your spouse. The passion and romance which has gone out of your marriage is now back in full force with the other person. So are the laughter, spontaneity and sense of adventure. In other words your spouse has found a relationship with someone who does what you use to.

The feeling that the marriage relationship is not what it used to be may be true to some extent but remember the door swings both ways. The fact that you were always too tired, too busy is ridiculous. And so is the notion that you and you alone decided the direction of the relationship.

It takes two to make a marriage work. The truth is your significant other let themselves drift away; then when they saw a chance to jump ship and have some fun without any real sense of responsibility they took it. All the while telling themselves it was your fault and working out the excuses to justify their infidelity.

May be you could have done some things better but you are human. If you fell down on the job in certain areas of the relationship then it is up to your partner to pick up the slack or make sure that the two of you work it out together. Trying to create the good old days of your marriage with someone new is selfish, wrong and astonishingly immature.

21 July 2010

Conduct Marriage Separation, Should I ?

marriage separation is one of those topics that no one really wants to talk about. For some marriage separation is just as exciting to talk about as a colon cleanse. Who wants to have their colon cleansed? I know I don't but it's indispensable sometimes. In the United States 4.9 out of every 1000 people experience marriage separation in any given year and that number does not ever seem to diminish. Also as you may already know, one out of every two marriages end in marriage separation. If that number doesn't scare you and make you think twice about getting married, then you are unquestionably in a group of your own.

In no way am I saying you need to be afraid of marriage, but it's not to soothing to know that you have a 50/50 chance with having your marriage last. I personally would like to have a much higher portion in knowing my marriage is going to last. I am sure most people don't think of these stats before they get married and even if they do, they believe they are surely going to be in that 50% of lasting marriages. That is the way you should think. If you go into marriage thinking you are going to be in that 50% of marriages that end in marriage separation, then you have already failed.

With new engineering getting a marriage separation is so much easier. Online marriage separation has skyrocketed. Anyone can now spend as little as $100 and have marriage separation forms generated and perform their own marriage separation. It may sound like a bad thing, but considering the number of people that have separated from their spouses and possibly involved or even living with someone else still married because they could not afford a traditional marriage separation is even more alarming.

marriage separation is not the end of the world. Sometimes you have to completely close one door in order to have another door opened for you. What's behind that next door is most likely ten times better than the door that you were currently standing in. But on the flip side of that coin don't go thinking the grass is greener on the other side just because you feel you want to see if you can unlock some other doors. It is always best to do whatever you can to save your marriage before you go looking for a way out of it. If you feel you have expended ALL measures in saving your marriage then and only then should you consider marriage separation.

in conclusion, before you open another door in your life or get involved with someone else, please be sure to completely close the door to your current marriage. Whether you get an online marriage separation or a traditional marriage separation, just make sure you do things the right way. If you don't it will come back to bite you in the end.

20 July 2010

Marriage Separation Could Happen Even To The Best Marriages

I recently heard that a good friend of mine and his wife had separated. The news was stunning. These two have been great Christian leaders for more than 20 years. They’ve even taught others how to have a great marriage. How could they separate?

Sadly, it happens more often than it should. Frankly, leaders become victims of their own success. They find that they have to continually push to stay ahead of the crowd — to stay leaders. So they spend more time on their work than they do on their marriage.

It’s an easy mistake to make. After all, they have great marriages. They know all the principles. They’ve been to all the conferences. They’ve never missed an anniversary. And they know their spouses extremely well. What else is there?

Well, there’s always something in a relationship that needs nurturing — even if it’s just the relationship itself. You may have heard the old saying, “the only way to coast is to go downhill.” Turns out, the saying applies to your marriage too. If you think your marriage has “made it” and you let your marriage coast, there’s only one way it can go — downhill.

So whether you think your marriage is at the top of the heap or not, don’t ever think you can stop working on it. It would be a grave mistake.

Instead, take the time to woo your spouse like you did when you were dating or courting. I know it’s tough to keep up that intensity, especially once kids and job success come along. But you can still do something to make them feel like they’re the most important person in the world. And don’t just do it once. Find something that makes them feel that way at least once a week; once a day is even better.

Oh, and don’t think the things you do for them all the time are enough. Cooking and cleaning for your husband is great, but go beyond that. And, guys, working on your “honey do” list is great, but you need to do something that makes your wife feel like you really value her. Take her on a date, write her a love letter, or give her a nice massage.

Whatever you do, don’t wait for a better time to do it. Do it now, and do it often. Letting it wait is the same as coasting. And we know where that leads.

19 July 2010

Avoid Marriage Separation From Sexless Marriage ( Advice for Men )

Living in a sexless marriage can be a spoiling, demoralizing and aggravating to a lot of men in this position and this facet of a marriage can finally lead to Marriage Separation that not need to be happen. Love and relationships can be complicated matters and seeking sexless marriage advice can be just as confusing occasionally because of the variety of contradictory answers and reasons for this predicament.

To truly discover a resolution to the problem of lack of sex in a marriage you first need to realize your own unique relationship issues that may be affecting on the situation, more often than not there are multiple relationship problems at work making your wife to forgo sex and apparently reject you. If you can narrow down the matters that might be stimulating such a problem then you have a better chance of fixing the problem.

While this might look visible to some we all know that women are often complicated and to men’s instant fix problem resolving mind it is hard to penetrate their emotive situation and get the real issue out of the excuses they use because they either cannot communicate it properly or sometimes because they also do not truly understand their problems. Some reasons for your wife losing interest in sex could be among the following:

Hating their own body Hating your body (usually an excuse for something deeper) Claiming low sex drive (sometimes a medical condition sometimes an excuse) Boring routine sex becomes uninteresting Boring routine life disinterests them! Hidden grudges Fear of sex Fear of intimacy Stress Lack of communication

The last point can be implemented to several of the other points too and is a major cause of relationship problems that go far beyond physical intimacy. Some, all or even none of these could apply to your position but discovering these things out without making up too direct is an crucial part of rekindling love in the bedroom.

To this end when accepting action on sexless marriage advice men must recognize that women more than men are forced back by their emotions and their emotive state has more affect on their sex drive than physical appearance and other elements that commonly drive males.

18 July 2010

Marriage Separation : Say Goodbye To Your Betrayal Spouse?

Not every relationship can end everlastingly. For several, the actual ending is just because two people have grown separate over the years. It occurs, there is no shame other than the letdown both suffer in recognizing that the person they believed they were going to expend their life with is not truly the one. Then there is the additional type of termination. You discover your spouse is betraying on you and you have to know when to leave a betraying spouse.

It’s truly hard to apart yourself from somebody, even later on they’ve been a cheater. You spend time attempting to figure out where everything went wrong and you want to fix it. When this works for some people, there’s just as several where it doesn’t. Sometimes, the other person just doesn’t want it to work out. They want to get on with their lives but they don’t have the bravery to do it. If this is your situation, you should know when to pass on a betraying spouse.

One certain sign that it is time to go is when you are being disrespected. Not so much as to what they say to you straightaway, but in how they act. If they are betraying and not attempting to hide it, you perfectly have to escape of that relationship. They are hitting you over the head about as hard as they can to tell you that they no longer want to be in the relationship. Not only that, but they are strutting around town and allowing everybody else know that as well. Just pack your bags and go, nobody wants to be addressed in that manner.

For some people betraying is not designed and just takes place by accident. And then they recognize what they have and what they lost. This take them closer and works for some people. Their spouse forgives them and they get additional opportunity to work things out. But if this is not their first time, its better to get rid of them and not devastate anymore of your precious life.

People may betray for many causes and these are some of the worst. Honestly, solely you can determine when it’s time to go, however. Solely you are in appoint of your self-esteem and you will know when enough is enough. No one deserves to be with a deceiver and you will know when it is time to pass away. So I hope you know when to forget a betraying spouse, but before you do, think long and hard about it and don’t be in a hurry. Be intellectual.

17 July 2010

Marriage Separation Begins From The High Hopes Of Marriage

Tom and Susan walked into my bureau. No, this was not an prescribed sitting. Just a couple of friends and me seating to discuss their relationship. They had been debating on a steady foundation, like a few days out of weekly. A few of it had to do with his wrath, jealousy and preceding experiences. Some of it had to do with her sharp tongue and dominating personality.

After I listened for a while, I asked them how often they’d been fighting over the last few years. Their reply, “I think we’ve gone a record four weeks without fighting.”

What!!? I could see that they weren’t joking. I realized right there that if they didn’t do something radical, they would never save their marriage. So I asked them if they wanted to go on living in their relationship as it was right now. Both of them agreed that they hated it and wanted things to change.

After asking them a couple more questions, it became clear that they weren’t dealing primarily with problems in their marriage. Their relationship was only bringing out the weaknesses and problems in their own personalities and history of experiences. Neither one of them had ever spent time working through those problems, and as a result, they were bringing their personal flaws into their union and then attempting to build a healthy relationship on the weaknesses that were rampant in their own individual lives.

The more they talked, the more we all realized that they were attempting something unfeasible. It was like building a house on a foundation filled with cracks and imperfections. Without repairing the foundation, the building would end up crooked and out of square. The cabinets would by no means fit in the corners and the doors would never close properly. Before this couple could go forward in repairing their marriage relationship, they needed to take some time working on their individual personalities and issues.

The more they talked, the more we all realized that they were attempting something impossible. It was like building a house on a base filled with cracks and imperfections. Without repairing the foundation, the building would end up crooked and out of square. The cabinets would never fit in the corners and the doors would never close properly. Before this couple could go ahead in repairing their marriage relationship, they needed to take some time working on their individual personalities and issues.

Tom really loved his wife, and it suddenly dawned on him that he needed to find a mentor or counselor who would help him deal with his issues of anger and jealousy, so that those things would no longer impact his relationship with her. Susan recognized that she was going to have to discover a mentor or counselor to help her temper her sharp tongue and learn how to quit commanding Tom.

We began Tom on our substantial for men, and Susan on our substantial for women. While they departed my office they had great hope that they would be able to save their marriage.

That was yesterday. Both are actively trying out potent mentors who deliver good marriages; people who will be able to counsel and scout them in developing and changing in person so that their failings don’t carry on to pollute their love for each other. to your physique type.

16 July 2010

Marriage Separation : Testing Your Spouse Intimacy

Whether you would like to accept the fact or not is another story, while keeping your marriage is a completely game in itself. If you sense your mate may be intricate in an affair, how do you discover? Deceivers can be captured when they are subjected to certain methods and substance. Here are a few hints on betraying mate test

Do not get demoralised, talk to your spouse, ask questions. Question his work, his expenses, time spent and his actions. If they are something to hide, either they lie or try to make up stories. Probing is a proven method and you should try it. The other thing you could test is their behavior towards you. It may have grown more loving than normal and you know that its not true love. He/she is just trying to buy some time and trying to keep you away from things.

Their behavior to you can be another major indication. If they are suddenly acting more loving to you, it may seem strange. This is probably not true love and they are simply trying to keep you happy and away from their unfaithfulnesses.

The other common one is the contacts test, where you investigate on all the contacts made by them. This could be through phone, emails and do not forget the personal visits. Every time he/she leaves home without you, you should be behind them.

This could turn into listening in to their phone calls and following them around. This could be a surefire way to catch them if they are doing something bad, but could also backfire. Be careful if you decide to do this.

A sarcastic way to judge their moral sense is to ask them about cheating spouses. You may watch them struggle by calling them out on their secret. The way they answer you could answer a number of questions.

If you want to stage a smart drama, you could pretend to go away on a business trip, stay in the same city under cove and uncover the real story.

You could also pretend to go out of town for a while, yet secretly stay behind. This could help you judge their actions more cautiously, seeing what they really do when you are not around.

Watch their behavior intimately and try to link incidents that happen. Are they talking otherwise now than before? If they are involved, there will be come change in them and your aim is to find out that change.

None of these tests or all of them may work for you. Point to keep in mind is that its more of a test for you than the other person. You must be prepared and have a strong will to do it.

All or none of the contributions of the might do work for you. It truly finishes being a lot of a test around you than the other individual and how amenable you are to admit what may be the truth. You have to get a hard will and you have to determine if you are set up to know the fact.